Gin and Rubicon

I don't know what I'm feeling, or what I'm faking anymore
My only indicator to the pain thats real,
Are my tears.
But i dont know what triggers them.
PLEASE DON'T DIE.
I beg you,
Please don't die
I'd do anything.
Anything.
Come back to me.
Please.
I love you.
I will always love you.
I have drunk so much gin.
I have lied, cried, tried so hard,
To get through.
And you die.
But don't die.
Come back,
I beg you.
I need you.
I'd do anything.
I'd die in your place,
Without a second thought.
Please don't die.
You said you'd never leave me.
You said you loved me,
And I loved you.
True love poured out of me.
Now the only thing that pours from my heart is pain,
And blame,
And foolish games.
I pick my nose in private
As it runs from my tears.
My greatest fears have just come to fruition,
And love is my only tuition.
Please come back.
What sort of god would wish this on anyone?
Fuck God.
Fuck Life.
You can't be dead.
It just doesn't happen.
This only happens in Eastenders.
Not real life.
Please come back.
Please don't die.
I hope your sister will get back to me.
I hope she will see,
That I am completely,
In love with you.
I hope she will tell me,
It's all a big joke;
The R.I.P signs and..
 -fuck i can't think of a rhyme
Mean nothing.
Just messing around,
So I can tell you how I feel,
And know you hear me.
But I just make stupid sounds,
Like I'm suffocating.
I love you. And I've never touched your face.
I'll never touch your face.
And now it's been eaten by worms.
You've become one with the earth.
I always knew you'd get the last word.
'Cause how can I reply when I cannot be heard?
When a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears,
Does it fall at all?
I don't know.
I don't care,
About anything.
All I've ever cared about is you,
And you're gone.
You were always the one,
For me.
I can't live like this.
I've lived without ever feeling your kiss.
And you're dead.
And I lie in my bed alone,
Knowing you'll never hold me,
And all I have to console me,
Is gin and rubicon,
And bon-bons that I don't eat,
'Cause I can't think of a fucking rhyme.
What the fuck rhymes with rubicon?
Tastes so good but has too much sugar.
So sweet but so bad,
Like our love affair.
It's left me feeling sad.
Empty.
Longing for you.
This is the longest poem ever written.
It's hardly a poem;
It doesn't rhyme.
I broke the rules.
But I have to,
When it comes to you,
'Cause you always made me feel so confident.
I can't sing at all.
I know you thought 'I'm a great singer',
But I'm not really.
My emotions just pour,
And fill in the notes.
But scales and chords,
Just turn me to stone.
They're so melancholic,
As I am right now,
As just gin and rubicon,
Mixed in a mug.
Allow me to drown out the feeling......
As my feelings are beat,
Like a victorian rug.
Just gin and rubicon. Sugary drinks.
I never wanna think.
Again.
I'll always love you my friend....
We're both dead.