Yes, I’m Serious

OK. I know im a good person and i know im very wise for my age. But if theres one thing about me that can be kind of annoying is that I take myself a bit too seriously. I know life is a game and we only live once and should make the most of it and all that but wise philosophical people like me have a tendency to think too much.

Introverted and creative people like me tend to think inwardly, so combine this with being lost in my head and it is no suprise I take myself seriously. Some people call it an ego or pride. But I am very empathic so would never say i was egotistical. I do not feel like I am the centre of the universe even though there are times where i feel very proud about who i am become, but i believe everyone in the world is worth the same.

I usually dont care what people think because life is too short to worry about that but I embarassed myself majorly today, and i felt  like a hypocrite,  my depression was verbally abusing me inside my head with thoughts like “youre such a hypocrite going on about self esteem and not caring what people think and then getting embarassed when you do something stupid” but then it struck me i was not a hypocrite, embarrassment is merely a common human emotion.

Embarassment is caused when we do something unserious or relaxed, or let our shield down without realising the consequences, embarrassment is shame of acting out of character, or how percieve you however i dont think how people percieve you is the intergral part of why i felt ashamed. My embarrassment was simply caused by the fact i take myself very seriously, which is a both a good and a bad thing.

In fact that and my tendency to get lost in negative thought (although thats more my depression than me) are the only things about me i would change. Im happy with everything else, I know im not alone in this, but I find it really hard to laugh at myself when I do something wrong or embarrass myself. It goes to show you can be wise, kind, funny, clever or anything else but you will never be perfect, no matter how hard you try.

I think its an expectation thing. Its quite common for people to take themselves too seriously, and for me, it is my only flaw (that i can think of), I think to beat this one must lower the expectations they have for themselves, and admit nobody is perfect and that its impossible to be, so why bother?

I know this, and so does everyone else, yet many people still strive for perfection, everyone works on their faults and boosts their positives. I myself never try to fit in and am always genuine and true to myself, and even at times when im annoyed at who i am, i would never pretend to be anything different, because fakeness isnt right to me. However the conflict is my brain telling me im not good enough (my good friend, depression – i know its always wrong, but its persuasive at bad times) and that i must be better at everything. This has a knock on effect for people resulting in a “high-horse” ego or becoming a reclusive loner (and quietly ambitious), having diabolical self-esteem or simply becoming very defensive. I have been all of these things in the past, yet never more than one at a time.

But all these things lead to people taking themselves very seriously, I think an important life lesson is to learn not to take everything seriously ALL THE TIME, we are on this earth to enjoy the time we have AS WELL as everything else. Its important not to lose sight of that i think. Its the one personal goal i have is to loosen up and enjoy life, but its actually quite hard. I guess its a good thing if this is my goal, as it means ive successfully achieved all the other goals.

Its our jobs as humans to all have high self-esteem and be kind to one another as well as ourselves, and enjoy our life to the fullest, this sounds simple, but its hard to achieve all of them at one time, i think this is one of the challenges and purposes of life, to be fulfilled and therefore happy. I can forgive myself for not being fulfilled at 16 though! Wisdom is great but it doesnt buy happiness alone. Now im going to watch some of my favourite shows and relax for a change and try to forget my problems. Its time to start reaching for my goal straight away!…

~ by positivelyantagonistic on 03/07/2009.