Wordshaker

OK its been over a month since my last entry. I thought it was more and was feeling extra guilty. This blog is becoming essential for my mental wellbeing – despite the lack of people who read it.

What can i say? so much has happened to me this months yet i cant think of a word to say. Christmas was kind of sucky. It was potentially very good – but something was missing this year. I just wasnt feeling christmassy – im never a christmassy person but i usually feel it a bit on the actual day. It’s one day though and its so overrated.

I’m not christian – and even if i was I’d be celebrating a capitalist festival rather than a christian one. Christmas is basically a time where it gets very cold, everyone flutters around like chickens buying junk and children are told ‘wonderful tales’ about a big fat red coca-cola man (how totally NOT WESTERN! =/) who comes down the chimney and gives them gifts (which have all been made by transnationals)

I guess cynicism really does take the magic out of it. New Years was good though. I went to my dads. Aunty Carol was there (my dads friend) and her daughter Sian came and went with her husband. It was a great night though. Loads of alcohol. Always a great start to a year. I need (and deserve!) it!

And for starters I can’t believe its 2010. When 2008 started I couldn’t believe it was 2008. It felt so alien and like futuristic. I felt like it shouldnt even be the millenium yet. Time was going too fast and 2008 seemed uncomfortably surreal…

And then to make things worse 2009 came to make me feel time-sick. Now 2010 has just taken that feeling to a new level (‘Time-sickness’ is my new word for this condition.)

I can currently hear my sister watching slumdog millionaire in her room. Cuz i can hear the autotuned JAI HOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOO. Which may I add is extremely catchy (im not sure its for the right reasons)

Also here in the UK weve had a hella load of snow and ice ever since mid-late december – which means a lot of falling over and college closures due to ‘health and safety’. Of course we all feel cheated if were made to go in DESPITE the snow.

I’ve become reacquainted with many friends i hadnt talked to over christmas. Lately im going to cafes and drinking coffee with friends and having a good talk with them. I enjoy doing that. But it makes me feel like such an adult. I was saying to F the other day, “I can tell I’m becoming an adult cuz I drink coffee with friends and am addicted to eastenders”.

Speaking of that, I am missing my best friend quite a lot. We don’t talk as much as I would like to. It’s so weird – the people closest to us we take for granted – yet we miss them very quickly whilst seperated.

I am still listening to the saturdays. I dont watch the live vids from the work tour. It’s depressing cuz it makes me want to go back to the night. I will have to see them live again. Their new album is pretty damn good.

And also I am so crap at writing essays at college. Tutors always write “HOW?!?!” all over my essays. I tend to just flimsy around the point then go to the next one. Not getting good essay grades. But i think my writing on this blog is very too the point. I’m not a wordshaker (forgive the term – it’s a saturdays song) like I am at college. I think it helps when you enjoy and believe in what youre saying. It’s easier to cuz i don’t plan these at all. I just start typing and see what happens. It’s a brilliant outlet.

But I’ve outletted enough for now. There is more. But I don’t want to force it. That’s like choosing to have a premature birth. Peace out people. xyz

Time goes by so slowly…It really does, its just it feels so fast when you look back.

I miss the days when I was a child. Life was simple. I was always happy. Everything was stable, and whilst I admit compared to a lot of kids my childhood was tough, I had only ever experienced my own, so to me there was nothing wrong with it. Which reminds me of a song…
One more step along the world I go,
one more step along the world I go;
from the old things to the new
keep me traveling along with you:
Refrain:
And it’s from the old I travel to the new;
keep me traveling along with you.

Round the corner of the world I turn,
more and more about the world I learn;
all the new things that I see
you’ll be looking at along with me: Refrain

As I travel through the bad and good,
keep me traveling the way I should;
where I see no way to go
you’ll be telling me the way, I know: Refrain

Give me courage when the world is rough,
keep me loving though the world is tough;
leap and sing in all I do,
keep me traveling along with you: Refrain

You are older than the world can be,
you are younger than the life in me;
ever old and ever new,
keep me traveling along with you: Refrain

Its a great song, i sang it as a boy, unfortunately though copy-pasting it has messed up the font for this blog entry. Ah well. You win some you lose some.

I was feeling pessemistic when I wrote this post. Even the strongest of us get down at times. Im making postive changes to my life. It was always so shit and these last few months Ive been fighting and doing what I can to make it better for myself, and its working. Ive mostly been feeling happier. But theres still a black cloud over me somewhere, and I dont know why its there.

I was making music in my room when I heard my mother and her new boyfriend totally doing it from their room as if i couldnt hear them. It made me sink a bit. It disgusts me to be honest. Shes having a mid-life crisis so has dumped her husband who she constantly argues with and grabbed a 28 year old man, whilst her two children become slaves of the house (sis likes to leave me to do all the work, but sucks up to mum to get out of trouble, whilst I do my fair share of work then totally rebel if im asked to do more than that)

I just feel like whenever I finally feel like im standing on two feet again something happens to knock me back to square one. But i guess thats life. I will beat depression for good. Im not going to let it come back and im not going to have another mental breakdown like i did in february. Ive lost too much this year and gone through too much and ive had enough. No soul can fight forever. I’m feeling thoughtful, which is bad for me as thinking = getting depressed most the time (and i dont take meds because i dont trust antidepressants, i dont need them and would rather beat it by myself thank you very much). So here I go

One more step along the world I go

Its 2010 very soon so i also suppose…

From the old things to the new
Keep me travelling along with you

I have no idea who “you” is supposed to be but whoever they are I wish theyd come into my life right now and help me empty out the kitty litter  I have accumulated.

I’m right, not being stubborn – Check the facts and you will see!

The title is how I feel often. I have a tendency of always being right, and thats not an arrogance speaking. Its just I dont say things unless I know they are right first. I am opinionated, and stand up for my beliefs, both are good things. Yet to the world I am “self-righteous”. Lets have a look at the word “self-righteous”

From sedona.com…

“People who are self-righteous may defend their need to instill their beliefs on others as simply standing up for what they believe in. However, self-righteousness veers off from expressing your beliefs in a few key ways, namely that self-righteous people believe they are always right, superior and more knowledgeable than those around them.”

See? How biased. Its just used by doormats to justify being a doormat. Any wise person will be right often – not because they are never wrong, but because they make sure they know what they are saying before they say it. Its that simple.

And a lot of the time some people are more knowledgable than others. Its common sense. Some people I know are very wise in the ways of the world, and others they are very naive.

Yet being “self-righteous” is still seen as a bad thing. Standing up for your beliefs, being knowledgable and being right about things are all bad. It makes sense why the media would want us to think that. No wonder politicians walk all over us.

It leads me to wonder why people dont like “self-righteous” people. And then I worked it out. Theres only one thing that makes sense and that is jealousy. Doormats that have no strength of character, and who are afraid to not be a sheep, are often jealous of people who are and do.

This is because they are doing what they cannot and being who they arent, and so “self-righteous” is penned as a derogatory word for these sorts of people. If anyone calls me it I will take it as a compliment. I’m self-righteous and proud of it too! As all strong-minded people should be.

I always feel enlightened when I blog. I am so glad I am sharing this knowledge with the world right now. Few will read it, but the truth must come out! The truth exists merely to be told. That previous sentence is a great thing to put in quotation marks!

So thats all for today. I was going to write something else, but I can’t remember what it was. But if I do It will be straight onto here.
Peace. xyz

I’ve climbed the tree of life, and that is why I’m no longer scared If I fall.

Hey, followers if there are any. Sorry for my blatant lack of updates. Life has been very busy and hectic as usual. I was hoping i would be more active throughout October but it has gone so fast.

Firstly I want to say I cant believe its November, well I can: Its november, but It seems to have gone very quickly. It is nearly 2010 and a new decade will soon begin. I was feeling very inspired last night and wrote a poem. I wrote it in 5 mins so I havent had a chance to put the punctuation in yet. But here it is:

Tree of Life
By Sydney La Roche

Plucking tender golden fruit
From the illustrious tree of life
Filled with slender molten joy
That washes out all stranded strife

Fill your cup with sweet sweet wine
Dunk your produce in the brine
Plucking tender golden fruit
Sucking posion out the wounds

Plucking berries from the snow
Red and rich and ripe as the river-blossom
Blooming petals frayed like rope
Torn and worn like a stormy-willed madam

Plucking the largest apple
From the centric tree in the middle
Llike a slow moving ripple
In the river, free as a fiddle

And from the tree of life weve picked
The joys of youth and joy itself
And from the future life I’ve wished
And now I shall recieve the fruits themselves.

I write poems/songs and make music all the time. This has to be one of the most positive things I have ever written.

Family/home life is living hell, but im staying optimistic and im being OK. Friends let me down and college/grades suck, but im feeling quite good despite of it. Its like things are only bad if you believe they are.  The human mind is a powerful thing.

The only boundaries we have in life, are the ones we set ourselves! Dont box yourself in! Live outside the box. Say goodbye to conformity, and low self-respect and hello to crossing over lines where you used to stop! The world can be beautiful no matter how messed up it is!

My life is a mess, but I love it anyway cuz its mine. Things could always be worse! Remember that folks. I will update more from now one. Peace! x

Your Paradise is Not For Me.

I got my letter from yale college. It now costs 20 pounds to start college. A fee. So much for free education. It really annoyed me at first, but now it has got me thinking (probably not a good thing in my case but who cares).

Just what sort of world are we living in? In the end we are going to be charged larged fees for absolutely everything. It will be a facsist, capitalist world. Where the rich are super rich and have a good life and everyone else will live in misery. Its so annoying. They should have one currency for all of us and spread the money around the world evenly. It would solve problems for everyone (except for all the greedy transnationals of course)

But we are going to get charged for everything, work all day long (with no free time), still struggle to keep our heads above water and if we fail to pay all our possessions go (bayliffs) or we go to court or even jail.

Anyone who rebels will be caught thanks to the oh so many CCTV cameras stationed everywhere. In short – there will be no freedom. Our rights are being taken away one by one,  and we wont have any left if things keep up like this. No wonder everyone is getting depressed and on anti-depressants (which are full of additives to discourage the brain from thinking – so they will be less inclined to rebel and just let the governments of the world fuck things up. That is a very clever ruse they have there but I can see straight through it.)

No rights, no free time, no money. Brilliant. But another thing i thought is that freedom isnt actually a real thing. We’ll never be totally free. Countries such as the USA just use it as a disguise to do whatever they want.  So basically everyone will think theyre free when theyre not, live with no rights and wonder why they feel so depressed.

I really want to get a good job. A high-paid job with low hours when im older. Because I dont want to fall into this trap thats been so carefully set up. I am getting my qualifications, fulfilling my deams, falling in love and doing whatever I want. Live my life to the max. Because the world isnt going to get any better. I will continue to speak my mind no matter what people think, because quite frankly, if more of the public were like me the rich greedy businessmen wouldnt be getting away with this bull.

Freedom isnt free and freedom isnt real. The so-called modern way of living which is supposed to be so great, whilst it is better than the standard of living in caveman times, has definately been overhyped.  This paradise is not for me.

The world will never be perfect, and theres no use crying over the turmoil. But we can still enjoy our lives and not let the system bring us down. They will never take away our minds or our hearts, so in that sense we will always be free. Its just good to write this down.

They cant keep it up forever, when we have nothing left to lose we will be stronger than ever. I think the system will eventually get toppled or at least move in the right direction. Obama isnt great, but he certainly is an improvement on Bush, so thats improvement already.

Another thing that happened today is everyone was slagging off our new form tutor in college saying “OMG I HATE HER SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN” and saying all these nasty things about her when theyve only seen her once. I had to step in i was like “no youre being prejucided. You dont even know her and youre making judgements about her. You are judging her for her appearance alone which is just shallow”.

People like that are exactly why things in the world go downhill. They didnt seem very apologetic but they stopped after that. It was very annoying but I am very proud of myself for stepping in. I wish more people would speak their mind and stand up for whats right. Instead of always being influenced to do the wrong thing. It’s very annoying.

Hopefully i do actually have some influence on people. Unfortunately there will always be people dumb enough just to follow others instead of being themselves, so at least I can influence sheep to think for themselves instead of be shallow, superficial and fake.

Well on the upside to all this, I’ll always have me and my life is still good. So big brother hasnt managed to ruin my life. It’s failed. So if any big greedy business men are reading this: “haha you failed. F*** you” is all i have to say to them.

Peace people x

Armour Love

Ive blogged about a lot of interesting things and been very opinionated in my past entries (such is my nature: I know myself and im a deep thinker). But if theres one thing i havent blogged about before its love. The L word so many people fear. So I thought id go and be super original and write a bit about it.

I think love is quite a powerful force. Everyone says that but people actually underestimate it. “True love” (something which is very rare I think even in a lot of marriages) is a mutual love. A feeling of happiness that stays there so that no matter what happens the two people will always be in love and be happy and will never tire of each other. They will always want to be with each other and insepperable (im aware i probably spelt that word wrong). This is an example of how love can heal and make the world a better place. If you wanted to be a big walking talking cliche, you could easily say: Love has the power to heal the world.

Love can also destroy and be very destructive. An example of this is unrequited love. I have actually experienced heartache. I heard people talking about heartache but i thought it was a just term to express the sadness people experienced when they lost a love, loved someone who didnt love them back, or was away from a partner. But heartache isnt just that. Amazingly, it is actually heart-ache. Like a physical pain. For me it was anyway. I get a literal physical ache along with everything else. That is evidence its not all in our heads.

I think thanks to our good friend Hollywood a lot of people have unrealistic ideas of it though. I mean the love we see in the teen movies often doesnt exist in real life. I mean do you know anyone who had a story like the ones you see in those films?

For me, i think attraction makes 50 percent of what people call love. An ideal partner would be someone I was physically and sexually attracted to (as in i find them hot/cute/whatever word you want to use) as well as emotionally and romantically attracted (‘clicking personalities’ as they say. Everything in common). These two combined creates a basic form of love. Which can result in heartache and all the rest of the lovey stuff. But you really have something special when that basic love made up of all those different attractions, advances to the next level. A mutual fulfillment.

The reason I am blogging about love is because i am currently going through an experience which could lead to a new relationship. And am experiencing heartache as a result, as well as happiness.

Another thing I wanted to blog about was a topic thats come up a lot this week. I’ll tell the story…

A close friend of mine posted on her facebook status: “whats more important following your head or your heart?”

I basically responded by saying its different with everyone. Everyone follows different paths. The head is logic-based and the heart emotion-based. Following your logic will make sure you never get in trouble. But you will never experience improvements. And following your emotions could set you back 3 spaces or move you forward. Its best to chose which one you want to do according to the situation. Its kind of like a stick or twist thing.

She said something next like “what happens if they disagree (heart and head)” and i say well you will have an internal conflict. And the person must think what is best for them. But shes like “what if you make the wrong decision”.

But making wrong decisions isnt something to worry about. Just make a decision. Because if no one made wrong decisions then nobody would learn anything. Its how we learn everything in life from who we are to what to do with our lives. In short:  “It is our choices that make us different”

You cant tell how the future will turn out. All i know is i dont regret anything in my life and i dont regret anything that I have done. I probably have done some wrong decisions in the past. But im willing to accept that because im a human being. But i dont regret them and I wouldnt change them, because without them I wouldnt be who I am today. Dont worry about the past and the future. I think its better to live each day as it comes, that way you can make sure youre the best you can be at everything (as well as anything life throws at you.

As for a quick update on my life:

Right now i am in a great time in my life. I am experiencing what could be called love. I have beat depression and I am brimming with self-love (positive self-love, not fake egos and walls to protect myself like some people i know, im talking the real deal).

I get a bit down sometimes because my life is far from perfect, but I am lucky to even have a computer its more than what some people in the world have and I know not to take anything in life for granted or overcomplicate the things in my life.

In short: I’m feeling pretty euphoric and positive right now. So many people think they know me when they dont. But i dont care what people think. Because no matter what they think, I’ll always be the same person.

Another thing i want to add kind of on the topic of love is an awful lot of people are looking for love, yet they cant find it. A lot of the time its because they have no love for themselves. You cant love others unless you love yourself first. Save yourself before you save others. Otherwise you cant change anything. People should find who they are before they commit to a relationship, or else the relationship wont have any true love. It will just be a friendship in disguise.

Always remember folks: Say what you like and do what you feel because those who matter dont mind and those who mind dont matter.

Peace. x

Life could be that simple.

As a thinking person, I thought a lot about things. Often overcomplicating things. But over the last few months ive learnt to take a deep breath to reavulate – and in my learning i have discovered that things are always as simple as they seem, that is simpler than you originally think. People stress out over nothing.

The way i beat depression was by learning that life is really that simple, things dont have to be complicated. As humans our egos tend to complicate things to make us feel better than or worse than other people. But things dont need to be complicated. The process can be eliminated. I have developed as a person and know myself more than ever.

This for me, has a been a key to happiness. Not overthinking unimportant things. My family argue all the time. Blah blah blah blah. And they argue over nothing. Its annoying because theyre overcomplicating things. Its an ego conflict. Life should be simple. They are making themselves down.

This song basically explains everything Im trying to say in the lyrics. Things should be that simple. You may be a genius but you have a lot to learn. You overthink it, etc. This song definately has helped me through some hard times. Its a lesson people need to learn.

Another one is dont make things SIMPLER than they seem. The most important life lesson for me is to always think for myself, and not follow the crowd. Dont be influenced by others or compare yourself to others because you are your own person. Its annoying when people are stupid and just follow the crowd and try too hard to be something their not. That is also overthinking. Just keep things simple.

I’m writing down any complex thoughts here right now and keeping lifes problems the way they should be.

I always say think by all means. Thinking is good. But dont overcomplicate things. Everything in this world is what you make it.

I’ll Take a Pizza and an Isolation Tank.

I was wondering why everyone cares so much about what people think of them and why they conform as i always do, and i decided its because they want to be ordinary or “Normal”

The definition of normal is “to conform” which means everybody WANTS to conform how annoying. The definition is also “To be sane” so even the english dictionary says if you dont conform youre mentally ill. No wonder theres a subconscious desire for people to “normal”. But i think aside from the fact that most people dont want to be mentally ill (the prospect of mental illness doesnt scare me because people in my family had it, so im not scared of “mad” people, and i know for a fact i am sane. Well as sane as the next person. I dont think anyone in the world can truly be called sane)

But anyway, aside from the fact people dont want to be mentally ill, people desire to be normal to “fit in”. Now if theres one type of person who annoys me more than someone who conforms and is fake, its someone who tries to fit in. I cant stand how people change themselves and sacrifice who they are just to please people. Why do they try so hard. It startles me forever. (Yes i have high expectations, and yes this is the reason why i dont have many friends, and no, i dont care. True friends will like me for who i am not something im not)

But i was thinking why do people sell out like this. And i got it. The same reason everyone goes on myspace – POPULARITY. Most humans have the desire to be liked. Which is understandable. I mean not being liked by anyone in the world would suck (although there is nobody who is disliked by EVERYONE. so that arguement is invalid) But most people feel it necessary to be liked by everyone they meet – to be popular. And i just dont get it at all.

Even when i was a kid i was happy with the friends i had. I never had the desire to seek more friends, and i never had the desire to be popular, maybe this is where my current attitude (of which i am quite proud of) originates from. Ive never been popular, ive never desired or wanted to be popular or even thought about being popular before now. I am very proud of myself for not being gullable, naive, brainwashed and shallow. Its a shame. Now i finally worked out why ive always hated myspace.

I probably put people off wanting to make friends with me, i have high expectations which people feel they can never live up to, and most people would rather admire me from a distance, they are scared i will bite their heads off. I tell people this is how i feel about making friends and theyre like “AWWWW BLESS” and they feel sorry for me.

And i hate that. I dont want people to feel sorry for me, because i dont feel sorry for me. I am actually very glad. I dont actually mind the fact i dont have many friends, i have all the people i care about close to me and thats all that matters. Screw everyone else. I will make friends with people who will like me for who i am regardless. Those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

People just want to fill in the big dark whole inside them with loads of low-quality friendships. How sad and stupid. I guess some fools learn the hard way.

Now i will continue to be “rebellious” as i am so often dubbed and “anti-social” and i will do so with pride. Because no one else has the guts to be who they really are! So i will!

Remember: Stand up for whats right even if youre standing alone!

Here Comes The Rain Again

So many people in this world are unhappy, miserable, depressed. I mean i suffer from “clinical depression”, but i am very wise which means i can fight it and try to keep my spirits up. I feel im very strong for the way ive dealt with my life because it hasnt been an easy ride and im proud of myself.

My life is bad considering the place i am born. I mean UK isnt a poor country, but compared to most uk families i know it isnt great, but i still feel lucky cuz on a worldwide basis my life is pretty good. Look at the aids orphans in africa and the palestinians getting kicked out of Israel. They have it worse than me.

But a lot of people are unhappy in the west. UK and USA. The numbers increase every year, and now it seems very few people are actually happy. Which is funny, because most of us dont even have it that bad. This either means people in other countries are even more unhappy and depressed or the west are a bunch of wimps.

I actually think its a boredom thing. Here in the west we have everything we need. We have plenty of time to relax and do nothing which means we have plenty of time to think. Over thinking until you think negatively is basically what depression is. But its still reasonably worldwide.

The media is cashing on the demise of everyones wellbeing as they always do and people are turning to celebrities and religion more than ever. And even crazy conspiracy theories. People want hope. They want to believe in something. Because otherwise its too depressing to accept the world. Thats why people obsess over things like occult and religions.

Theres such a big black cloud over us all at the moment, and the people that have it over them will never get rid of it totally, but we can get rid of it for our children and our childrens children and the future generations. Ensure they dont fall into the same trap of being self-loathing and unhappy as so many people in todays world have.

Its a constant struggle for me. I have my wise, confident, unafraid and righteous personality which you see on these blogs. The real me and then another personality made by the depression which comes out when i get too deep in negative thought. It must be fought everyday. I think a few people go through this struggle.
Plenty of people pretend to be something their not to escape this conflict but thats not the way to go about things. That will just push the negative feelings deeper in rather then bring them out. There are so many taboos and expectations in todays society its no wonder everyone is carrying around so many bottled up emotions. Even when you dont care what people think, you bottle up emotions. Its human.

But its not healthy to bottle up too many. And the world has evolved to a state which forces many people to bottle up too many, which is dangerous for humanity as a whole. We all have a bad habit of hiding our pain and trying to “move on”, but few people actually try to stop instead of moving on and deal with and destroy the pain before we continue our lives. This is not always possible, but its not mentally or emotionally healthy to carry too much, because you will eventually collapse.

Putting 110% into it – ‘Trying Too Hard’.

OK. Ive just logged in checked my comments and i had LOADS and then i took a look and they were all spam. Actually i have loads of viagra adverts in my spam folder. I have no idea how they got there, they were from different people as well, and Im pretty sure I have never mentioned it before in my blog. I thought it was quite comical actually. It will be a good 50 years before i blog about such things.

But that aside, I was on youtube and someone said something to do with Beyonce (not my taste, but you go link-hopping when youre on youtube) that she always gave 110%. This 110% thing people say has to be the most annoying thing in the world.

One of my virtues is that I am very patient and tolerant with people (just dont ask me to be with computers) but when people say 110% it gets under my skin a little. PER CENT means PER A HUNDRED. So you cannot have one hundred and ten per a hundred. That is contradictory, and very annoying. Im pretty sure my mother hates that saying as well.

Another thing that inspired me to blog today is I am fed up of fakeness. I know i mention conformity a lot in my blogs but i am so strongly opposed. It drives me crazy, everywhere I go people are trying to fit in or trying to be something theyre not. I wish people would just be themselves. A lot of people just plain try too hard as well. I will never try to fit in. People think im antisocial still and i still dont care. It grates on me more each day. Its kinda sad. Its like a pandemic of low self esteem and fakeness and it drives me CRAZY.

Another thing which i dont usually discuss is my spirituality. I make the fact that im not religous clear on a lot of things. I think spirituality on general (Whether it be religion, god, etc.) is important sometimes because we live in such a fake money-obsessed material world. However many people think religion and God are the same thing when theyre not. God is just an entity, the belief in a higher power, whereas religion divides people.

If someone asked me if i believe in God i couldnt say no, but i couldnt say yes either, I do in a way, but I dont see why it should be referred to as God, the greater power merely lies in the elements that make up everything. I believe the energies that placed us here are a perfect balance of good and evil spirits. When we die the evil spirits are purged from our souls and when we are reincarnated and born again we are born as purely good. However evil preys on the weak minded, and people let it take them to satisfy their own needs and greed.

Its kind of like selling your soul to the devil, only its not really that conspiracy-ish. Nobody remains purely good forever. Because that is impossible. You cannot have good without evil and you cannot have darkness without light. The forces must balance. I actually believe as we get re-incarnated we become more wise and learn more in each lifetime, our knowledge remains with us after we die, im not talking IQ or anything like that, but im talking wisdom, and wisdom in ways of the world and spiritual wisdom. When we have learnt all ultimate truths which we are required to learn, we will no longer get re-incarnated, i dont have a belief on what happens to us after that. But i accept im not going to know any time soon, howeve i believe life is a quest for knowledge, but fulfillment and happiness are also important, as you cannot always attain some parts of wisdom unless you are fulfilled first.

I believe you cannot change another person unless you love them and you cannot love someone unless you love yourself. Nobody loves themselves all the time. Even myself, I fight clinical depression, and although I love myself by default, it sinks its claws in every now and then to make me feel bad.

Its good to change at least one other person in your life spiritually, and by that i mean providing wisdom. Im not going to start preaching all love stuff because ill become a walking-talking cliche and i dont believe in Soulmates.

Theres a great song by Pink called Try Too Hard i suggest people listen to (plus look up the lyrics) it explains the whole fakeness pandemic quite well. It is also positively antagonistic and rebellious and has a good vibe.

My quote for today – “I never expect myself to score 110% thats trying to hard. 100% will do my fine!”

Peace